I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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