Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
