I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
