Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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