i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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