There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
