I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
