Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
