Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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