please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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