What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
