It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
