I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
