Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
