My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
