I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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