wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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