Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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