maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
