first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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