Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
