i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
