she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
