My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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