dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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