A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
