Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
