think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
