Whod you bang
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
