She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
