i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
