Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
