one two three fourrrrnication!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
