yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
