Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
tell me about the fingering
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