I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
