he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
