Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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