Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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