it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
