Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
