Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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