He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
