i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it because I queefed?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
