Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
