Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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