I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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