no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
