She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
