He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
