cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
