Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your cock deserves a montage
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Randomize
