..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
