Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
