party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
