I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
