dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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