Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Come see our sink grown plant.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
