For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
