The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
