Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
where are my eyebrows?
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