Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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