Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize