If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
