Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
