Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
