Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
