Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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