Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
