eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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