The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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