This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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