this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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