I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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