I'm really into asian looking animals
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
