she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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