Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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